10 Things I've learned the First Year as a Sem-Wife

It's been a long while since I've shared a blog post, and I apologize for that. However, on a cheery note I have compiled a thoughtful list of lessons I've been taught while at The Master's Seminary. Tim and I have truly been blessed beyond measure while here, and we have come to realize the treasure that is hidden in the San Fernando Valley. It is my fervent prayer that this is a blessing to you all.

10. "Do you have kids?" is a polite question. Do not be quick to get offended, or annoyed after the 800 millionth time of being asked whether or not you have been given the joy of children. It is a sincere question that is meant to help connect a stranger to another stranger. I've found while at Grace that often times when a person asks if you have children, they are looking for a way to serve you or they just want to hold a baby. And there is nothing wrong with that. If it's not your time, be gracious and find a way to serve them back.

9. Baby fever is inevitable. There is no fighting it. Trust me I've tried. But the Lord will instill a desire to raise a whole army of little believers to spread the Gospel and glorify Him. It shows a heart willing to serve the Lord as a mother.  It is honorable to want to be a mom. Examples of this are Sarah, Hannah, Rebecca,  and Elizabeth.  They prayed and honored the Father and brought before Him their desires, and in turn He rewarded them for their faithfulness. One thing I learned after a miscarriage in November is that God builds up a treasure for us in Heaven, and my little one will be there to meet me. If it's not your time, be patient. It will come either physically or spiritually, and greet each one with zeal for service because spiritual children are just as rewarding eternally as the physical ones.

 Two examples of sweet blessings that we have had to joy of knowing.

8. You will be disappointed. I won't lie, and neither will anyone else in seminary...but life with a seminarian can be hard and lonely at times. Often you don't see your husband for hours on end, and, in some cases, it may seem  like days. Because you are separated from the one familiar person in your life (since you've packed up as much as your car could hold and moved across country) it's easy, so very easy, to get desperately homesick and yearn covetously for your parents, friends, home, green grass, rain, weather in general, the little Mexican joint that had the 3 soft tacos for 99 cents, and less traffic.

Also if you think that life will look like a Martha Stewart Magazine, sweetheart, I'm here to tell you that those moments can really be few and  far between. You have to realize that we have plans and God changes them. Truly we live day to day in seminary (and I'm sure in ministry) not knowing if the plans we make will still be there in the morning.  Fear not, for God has the whole world in His hands.  He controls every aspect of life, so also sweat not the small things. Have a spirit like Mary (Luke10: 38-42) and prioritize Jesus. Obsess not too.  Remember that you and your husband are here for a reason and the Lord will sustain you through them. Remember that God gave you your husband for times like this and for others.  Cling to him and Him, and you shall find that the burden of unfamiliarity and lack of a Von Trapp lifestyle is removed.

7. Disappointments and surprises are never ceasing. Just the other day Tim and I were talking about how it seemed as if only one day out of the month ever passed without consequence to our temporal comfort, whereas the other 28-30 days were filled with a torrential downpour of life. Remember, each thing is from God to grow our faith for good and to His glory. Carpe diem: you've been graciously given and allow Christ to shine!

6. Be intentional about making friends. Just this evening a friend of mine said how she really had a hard time making friends with seminary families, because they always come and go; and she feels like a part of her heart is taken with them each time they leave. My other friend and I, who are both seminary wives, had her look at it another way, because it's difficult for us to make friends and have to leave too. It seemed as if the first year of seminary would just drag by slower than a snail on ice. But when I started to make friends, I couldn't slow the time down enough. Tim and I both had to come to terms with the fact that our time here at TMS is quickly fading. To do that we had to accept the fact that while we may not get to see these dear siblings in Christ while here in this life after we leave, they are our eternal friends and we will worship the King in heaven without interruption. What an encouraging reason to make friends no matter how short your time together is.

Tim, our friend Gregg and Me at TMS Graduation 2014

5. Sometimes you have to interrupt your husband. It's amazing how Tim can be so diligent sometimes.  He's so dedicated to getting his studies down just right. It's an act of worship for him, and I am so very blessed to be able to watch him grow and to have him teach me all that he's learning. But part of combating the loneliness mentioned in #8 is interrupting the speeding freight train of information. Don't fool yourself into thinking that he'll come up for air on his own when he's in the zone.  Oftentimes, Tim will tell me "wow I literally sat down 2 minutes ago and five hours have gone by already." It's easy for them to get caught up, so bring him a cookie, make him go for a walk with you and offer to help him study. It will pass the time by quickly for the two of you.  He will appreciate the quality time and sweet consideration you give him.

“Your assignment from God is not to change your husband, but to love, follow, assist, and minister to him.” 

~Elizabeth George, "A wife after God's Own Heart"

4. Lavish your friends and guests. Make those who visit you feel like royalty. Make a special dish.  Ask about their kids, their work, their family, and other things in their lives. Just as Christ humbled himself to serve the apostles, we ought to serve our brothers and sisters in Christ and lavish them with all the love and hospitality we can muster. Don't fret over a broken dish or burned meal. Don't let them know that you might be fighting a 30 ft tall mystery meat monster in your kitchen. Have a Martha attitude (Luke 10:38-42) instead and serve them to the best of your ability even if that means you need to just throw a pizza in the oven with some extra toppings.

Fancy breakfast for my sweetie.

3. Lavish your husband as well. It doesn't have to be an Armani suit, or Egyptian cotton sheets, but you need to prioritize him. For Tim, I like to keep a bowl of cookie dough in the fridge, coffee at least ready to be brewed, and I speak highly of him to others, I pray for him, ask his advice and honor him as the head of our family. Sometimes I fall short, but I'm  not perfect and neither is he, which is all the more reason to spoil him so he know just how much of a treasure he is to you. In return I have been greatly blessed and he lavishes me.

2. Never stop praying or reading His word. Want to feel anchored and closer to God? Pray and read Scripture. Our comforter who is in Heaven has left us His true and whole Word in the Bible so that in any time of life we can glorify Christ. Pastor John Piper says this, "Christ did not exist in order to make much of us. We exist in order to enjoy making much of Him... Christ is not glorious so that we get wealthy or healthy. Christ is glorious so that rich or poor, sick or sound, we might be satisfied in Him." If we lean on the Everlasting Arms our joy will always be complete

1. You will never go without. Many times we have came to the precipice of drastic feelings, but each and every time God provided in His mercy and filled all our needs to the point where our cup ran over where we could do more than we had hoped for. I've learned if we don't have it, we don't need it at the time. It may seem as if you've been exiled and that God has seemingly turned His back. He hasn't. He's growing you and making you produce fruit so that you're prepared for ministry when your husband graduates. We came to TMS so we would be trained and equipped for a life of service because lives depend on a truthful and faithful witness of God's mercy and Christ's sacrifice and the free gift of salvation by faith. The Lord is always with His children and He provides all you need...in spite of what you think you need.

Tim and I with the Mac Arthur's at The 2014 TMS Spring Banquet.